Transactional Analysis of Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder in a Writer and Professor

I've described the steps of performing a structural analysis in my book, Life is Easier Than It Seems: A Guide to Analyzing Yourself and Others.  You can find a full pdf version of this book linked on this website by clicking on "Free Articles."

To summarize, a structural analysis begins by dividing a person (myself) into the five basic ego states: Nurturing Parent, Critical Parent, Adult, Adapted Child, and Natural Child. The goal is to check the balance: are any ego states doing more than their share? Is the Adult doing anything at all?

If you've never read about or worked with TA, then you'll get a feel for the ego states by reading through my examples of each as I perform my self structural analysis.

Structural Analysis of My Writing Process, Practice, Goals, and Motivations

Ego State	Writing Action/Belief
NP	“Good job writing! Writing is so difficult, but you are sticking with it. Good for you.”  “You’ve written and published seven books and tons of articles. That’s incredible. Good job.” “You deserve to be famous and successful. You deserve to make lots of money from your writing.” “I write to make other people feel good about themselves.” “I write to improve the lives/jobs/well-being of others.”
CP	“You should write 2,000 words per day, minimum.” “You shouldn’t write carelessly by cuss words. You should write formally and respectfully.”  “You should start a newsletter/substack/podcast/brand.” “You should monetize your writing.” “I must write serious scholarship—high level journals, publishers.” “I must get lots of citations.” “I must involve colleagues and students in my research.”
A	·      develop a consistent schedule ·      work systematically by focusing on skills ·      I can’t judge my work by looking at how it is received but by piling up blocks of systematic work will lead to breakthroughs (so metrics can be useful) ·      Copy, steal, keep going. “I write to solve problems—in my life, work, and discipline.”
AC	“I’ll never amount to anything.” “I’m just wasting my time.” “I should probably give up.” “Nobody cares about what I have to say.” “I’m no good at it.”
NC	“I can write whatever I want.” “Fuck the rules.” “I write in order to figure stuff out. I follow a thread to see where it leads, because that’s fun.” "You can't tell me what to do!"

Adapted Child responses were by far the easiest to come by. I also felt the strongest emotional pull (classic AC), and I identified with all of the responses. This is where my self-pitying occurs, and it is where I think, "what's the point?"

Nurturing Parent was the ego state I felt the least connection to. There is a Natural Child reaction against writing for someone else's benefit (I spent my childhood and early adulthood writing for teachers. "Now it's time to write for me!" says my NC.) But I have found that my best writing comes when I actively imagine doing it for someone, such as for a particular classroom of students or for a colleague.

Adult is definitely present, but it is outshone by AC. Whenever I worry, I am in AC. “What if this amounts to nothing?” The answer is: it will amount to nothing, but I will write anyhow. What if my walk doesn’t burn any calories and the dogs are still full of energy? I’ll walk anyhow, because I enjoy it.

The NC motivation is what I most often wait around for. It's easy to write when I'm excited about it or if I'm feeling daring. But this isn't a reliable way to keep a practice going. I'm likely to decide that I'm just not a writer if I wait for the spirit to move me. So the practice must be maintained with the Adult. But, once I show up, I must allow for the NC to take over if the excitement is there.

Finally the Critical Parent. Here are all the rules and requirements that are bound to paralyze any writer. These voices are just about as loud as my own objective Adult perspective. While I hate the rules, they are necessary for polishing a manuscript or submitting it for publication. I don't need to throw the CP out onto the front lawn.
 

 

Egogram of My Writer Ego States

The egogram shows a lot of Adapted Child and equal Adult and Critical Parent. The CP could probably drop by half. The Nurturing Parent could double. The AC can get axed completely. Well, not completely. Fear and worry are human emotions, and they can be tapped for writing. I don't think I can force more Natural Child, but by quieting the CP and AC, I think the NC will find space to grow.

What does this have to do with OCPD?

My main dysfunction with compulsive work/mindset occurs when I have lost the ability to reflect on what I'm doing as I'm doing it. I cannot pause and ask, "is this working?" I just keep pounding away. This is driven by a belief that I cannot stop, or else something bad will happen. This urgency is the motor for my compulsive behavior, but the motor only runs with beliefs as fuel. 

By looking at the egogram, I can see where the problem is. I have an overactive Adapted Child (full of worry, fear, and concern that nothing is ever going to work out and I had better just give up). This helplessness worked for me when I was three years old and had an older brother and sister to rescue me. But I'm 39 years old now, and have a capable body and mind. I am better off giving up the helplessness act and applying logic and reason to solving problems that are important to me.

I also have an underactive Nurturing Parent. I can spend more time writing for others and reflecting on how others can benefit from my writing.